"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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