I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize