I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
