Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
