I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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