you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
