i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
