fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have tasted many bathrooms
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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