i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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