The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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