he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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