there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
