doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
