I accidentally burped into my bong.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
