Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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