At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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