He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
