I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
