Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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