I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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