i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
