Can Purell be used as lube?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
