i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
