I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
