The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
