someone owes me an orgasm
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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