Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
