he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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