i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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