Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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