matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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