Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
