Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
