speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
