i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
