Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
