we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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