I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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