I want to make a zoo with you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
