you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
