He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
