wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
