I faked an abortion last night.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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