Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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