I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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