Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
