the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
