i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I AM VODKA MAN
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
