I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
