thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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