I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
