Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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