one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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