I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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