i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
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