Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
