i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
