Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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