U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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