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Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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