I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
