After last night, I could never be a politician.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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