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she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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