I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
