Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
