my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
