So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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