How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
