Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well I just put wine in my tea
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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