Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
