PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
