Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How's work?
Spinning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
